Today I officiated a Memorial Service for a patient I had known both through ministry at the Hospital and through Home Hospice.  There was an interesting coincidence because this service fell on what would have been my father’s 87th birthday.  He died at the age of 61.

In preparation for the service I talked with the family and listened to the ways the deceased man made contributions to the members of his family through the role of fatherhood.  His actions as a father made him a hero in his children’s eyes when they were young.  As adults the children gained excellent examples on how to be effective parents to their own children.  That is part of the legacy of his life that we celebrated in the service.

I found myself thinking a lot about my own father as I was planning the service.  I had to be intentional during the service to stay focussd on the person who had died and not my own father.  It was a moment of self-awareness that served me well.  I did spend time later that thinking about my father and that was helpful to me.  I will admit it was an unusual and unexpected way to remember my father on the anniversary of his birthday.

This shows us that current ministry acts can trigger memories of our own life-story and we must be in touch with how our life-story affects the ministry we provide in the present.

Many people do not like to cry.  I am one of them!

Today I was participating in a teleconference on helping patients and family members process grief.  I was reminded of patients I have known who because they did not want to cry, would change their focus anytime a painful memory and emotion came to them.  The powerful thing about tears is that once we talk about the source event behind them we gain emotional release.  It is actually healthier to face the tears early on rather than try to force them away,  If it is a strong emotion it will surely come back to you at some point.

People who a grieving can appear to be angry when they are really simply hurting and don’t have another way to express it.  To love these grieving people we have to not be put off by the anger we see and engage with them in conversation until the hurting behind the grief is brought to light so it can be dealt with in a positive restorative way.

You can be a friend by not being afraid of the tears of others and staying with them through the tears.

It takes a great deal of bravery to stand up to our enemies, but just as much to stand up to our friends. -J.K. Rowling, author (b. 1965) 

As I read the quote from J. K. Rowling today and thought about the patients I have seen recently, some of them would certainly say “illness is the enemy”!  I have learned from other patients that they have learned from their illness how to re-prioritize their lives and that different outlook they have developed through the illness has been good for them.

So I would like to hear from you and learn how you feel about an illness you have faced.

This picture is of my pet, Cooper.  He spent 3 days at the kennel as I traveled to see a friend in Ohio.  He was so glad to see me when I picked him up today.  His “welcome” reminded me that research has documented that pets to help people live more emotionally happy lives.  Perhaps getting a pet is just what you need?  Anyone is welcome to post a comment about their pet.  Enjoy!

The badge you see above is obviously a sample.  It includes these items:

• Name and title of the holder.
• Name of issuer and in this case also a slogan of purpose.

Some days I keep my ID badge in my briefcase until I reach my desk.  I keep it in my briefcase to reduce the chances of not bringing it to work with me.  I can always tell if I am not wearing it if I meet someone new because I see their look of examination “scanning” me for the badge to see if I belong where I am walking.

In Maryland it is state law for all health care workers to wear their badge while on duty, so I really don’t have the option of not wearing my ID badge throughout the day.  However, because people look for badges and are reassured when they see them, I like to wear my badge so I can bring a sense of reassurance to everyone I encounter throughout the day.  This is not a heroic measure by any measure, but it is a simple way that I can be a team player, reduced anxiety and help the hospital be compliant, and the best part it is so easy to do!

I am curious to see what emotions or experiences you have to share around the topic of ID badges.

I was able to spend the day with a friend I have not seen in 3 years.  I marveled that we were able to take up our conversation almost exactly where we left it off the last time we met.  In these three years we have shared these common events in our lives even though we live 800 miles apart:

• Our job duties and environment changed dramatically.
• We experienced the death of a pet who was important to us.
• We changed automobiles and each chose different qualities of the car as essential in our selection process.
• We are both active in our respective churches even though the churches have each experienced a change in leadership, and we each found that transition process cumbersome.

Sharing our emotions and how we dealt with them in each of these situations showed how much we think alike and also how we took different paths in adjusting to the changes.  We did not compare our paths to see who was “right” and who was “wrong”.  We compared our paths to see what we could learn from the experience of the other.  That is one of the gifts of friendship, the ability to be open and honest with each other knowing the environment in which you share is safe.  When we feel safe in sharing, we are more open to learning.

I hope you are able to have reunions with friends frequently and discover the joy of support that I have written about!

This year the number of wildfires in the western US has been up from previous years.  Each time I see a segment on the news I pray for those whose homes are in the path of the fire and for those who are working diligently to extinguish the fires.

One recent story caught my attention and the content of the story lingered with me because the segment showed how the neighbors were working together to help each other rather than just looking out for their own needs.  It reminded of a lesson I learned years ago, “We are stronger when we work together than when we work alone!”

Today I am asking myself the question, whom can I help so we can both become stronger and benefit from the solidarity that comes from teamwork?  I am curious what your answers are to this question.  Please share!

As many of you know some medicines that people take on a prescription basis effect the sense of taste and foods that once tasted wonderful no longer taste nearly as good.  Patient’s tell me their stories along this line quite frequently.  Recently a patient who was able to cease taking medicine because her illness was in remission suddenly had her sense of taste “return to normal”.  I saw her in the hallway and she gave me a big hug as she said, “I can taste chocolate cake again and it is heavenly!” I love being able to celebrate victories of recovery with those who I have know when their illness seemed like it had control of them.  This patient felt she had her life back partly because she could again enjoy her favorite food.  This brings me to a larger concept.  In many visits patients share with me “victories” they have achieved.  I respond with excitement to each one of them as a way to affirm the patient in the healing process.

Try offering affirmation in as many situations as you can. I think you will discover the joy I have found in being able to celebrate victories large and small in the lives of others!

Each week I call new patients who have been admitted to our Home Hospice Program.  Some desire me to come visit.  Others decline because they have their own spiritual leader making regular visits to the home.  The one response that is a component of every response is that they appreciate my inquiry into what their needs might be, and willingness to help in any way I can.

One way any of can achieve comfort is to know that there is someone to call if we need them.  These phone calls don’t take a large portion of my time but the comfort the provide is powerful to those who receive the calls.

I would love to hear examples of people you have called to offer support and what their response has been to your offer.  Please share your experiences!

Cell phones are one of most frequent items that family members have with them as they enter the hospital.  The advantage is it enables them to keep in contact with those people they want to inform about the patient’s status.  This is good because in many situations it can relieve anxiety.

Cell phones also can cause more anxiety.  When a patient is in a trauma situation many family members get emotionally worn out answering a high volume of calls and text messages inquiring about the patient status.  I had one incident where the family received a phone call from a friend extending sympathy for the patient’s death.  The family went over the edge because the hospital had not given the family that information.  I was with the family and they demanded an explanation from me about how someone not even in the building could know about the death and yet neither I or anyone else on the staff had told them about it.  I was stunned and excused myself for a moment.  I checked with the staff and discovered the patient was very much alive and the staff was not expecting that status to change.  I asked for permission to tell the family that after I told why I was inquiring.  I was told that of course I could relay the information.

When I told the family their patient was very much alive and the prognosis was that the patient was going to remain alive, they were in disbelief.  They could not imagine how the caller got the incorrect information about the patient’s status.  I was in the consult room when the family returned the call to report the patient was alive and asked the original caller why they thought the patient had died.  The answer as that they had driven by the crash site, and observed the crumpled condition of the vehicle and assumed the patient could not have survived the accident.

This post is my plea to anyone who calls a family to inquire about a patient’s status.  Please don’t make assumptions about what the status might be.  When family is present they are the first individuals to be informed of the patient’s status whether they survive or whether the accident has claimed their life.

To call and report conjecture as fact only inflicts more emotional turmoil on the family than they are already facing.  In a lot of cases I feel the family could have a less emotionally stressful time if they turned their cell phones off while waiting for the initial report following a patient arriving at the hospital in a trauma situation.  Unfortunately families resist being disconnected from their network of friends and relatives in these situations.  So because families want to be connected, please do not make their situation more stressful by presenting opinion as fact, it only compounds the the stress.