In Hospice many of the people who provide the 24 care for the patient are family members. While they are not ill, being on duty constantly for a sick family member is emotionally, physically, and spiritually draining. So each person who provides care needs to come up with plans for their own self-care. Another word we use for this is “respite”. Respite is a chance to be off-duty and do something meaningful to you. For some situations this takes the form of a scheduled relief person to come into the home so the care-giver can get out of the house to attend an event or simply to relax. The longer the illness goes on the more important it is for the person providing care to intentionally think about their own needs and make plans to meet them. I always encourage people to get short breaks from their home care responsibility and paint it for them in terms of caring for themselves is also a way of caring for the patient because patients don’t want to perceive themselves as being a burden to those they love. When I hear stories of people getting their first respite break and how energized it empowered them to be I congratulate them. Inside I feel glad that they decided to take care of their own needs as well as those of the patient.
This brings me to my question for the day, “What do you need to do today to care for yourself?” It is a question that none of us should overlook whether or not we are providing health care to a family member.
By taking the time to write someone a thank you note several things are accomplished:
Appreciation is extended.
The writer of the note feels uplifted.
The recipient of the note is encouraged by your taking time to note what they did and in the process has more “fuel” for doing the same thing in the future.
I recently sent a thank you note to a coworker in another office building. I had the chance to visit her cubicle and noticed the thank you note I sent was posted above her desk for all to see. She saw me glancing at the note and told me how much it made her day.
Do you want to make someone’s day? If so you have the power, send a thank you note!
One of the hospital committees I serve on is the Joint Commission Department Guides. We meet 4 times per year and work on keeping our departments up-to-date on things we need to do to be in compliance. At our last meeting we looked at the protocols for an active shooter at the hospital. Today I presented the preparedness training to our volunteer chaplains. We made this a mandatory meeting so everyone would have the information they need to protect themselves and others. Ideally no one would have to prepare for such a situation, but the news shows us each week that someplace someone puts others in danger through use of deadly force. We talked about the emotions that you would feel in such a situation. We began by watching a re-enactment of a situation. In this situation the active shooter was able to make it from the front door of the hospital to the 4th floor of the hospital and to the door to the room where his intended victim was located in 90 seconds. Our group was surprised how quickly these situations develop. The good thing about the training is now our chaplains know how they can protect themselves and when they hear pages they will know what the page is telling them to do. When we take as much fear and confusion as possible out of a crisis situation, it is better for everyone!
Today in church our pastor preached on the parable of the talents. In that parable there is a right master who leaves 3 servants in charge of property and wealth and later returns to see how much each has earned for him. Two of the servants work hard and produce income for the master. The 3rd buries the wealth in the ground so when the master returns he has exactly what he had when he left. Our pastor asked to consider how we feel the master would treat the imaginary 4th servant. This servant invested all the resources in the stock market and lost everything.
I was really surprised by the proposal of the 4th servant and how he handled the resources entrusted to him. What the illustration opened up to me is that in many situations there are people involved who we do not think about. We don’t consider their presence or their perspective on what is happening in the situation. In my work with families I often find out during a conversation that there is someone else in the family who is also hurting and who needs prayer. One way I find this out is by asking before pray, “Is there anything else we need to pray for besides your health?” Often I find out the family has another member who is much more ill than the patient I am visiting. Families are always pleased that I think to ask if there is more we should pray for when I am with them. My learning from these situations that was prompted by the sermon is: Just because we don’t see a sign of a need does not mean it does not exist. I hope to be even more effective in seeking out these needs and help people cope with them.
You would not think that a tow truck and a funeral would have anything in common! Neither did I until today! I was driving from the hospital to a funeral home to conduct a funeral for a hospice patient. Suddenly a car hit the left front bumper of my car and spun around in a circle. The fiberglass front bumper and grille assembly fell off my vehicle onto the roadway leaving me unable to move the vehicle. Some kind soul called 911 and within minutes we had an ambulance, fire truck, and three police cars on the scene. I was the only driver in my vehicle and the other vehicle was only occupied by the driver. The driver of that car accepted transport to the Emergency Room. I declined transport because I was not hurt only frantic to get to the funeral. Knowing I had 25 minutes to reach the funeral home before the service started I called the hospital switchboard and asked the operator to call the funeral home and explain what happened but that I promised I would arrive. Six employees of the funeral home were standing on the front porch as I arrived delivered to them by a police officer in a marked squad car. My car was towed to a local repair shop. Following the service one of the family members took me to the rental car franchise office so I could receive a car to drive until my car is ready to drive again.
The family was very gracious and understanding about my being late. Everyone asked me if I was hurt and was glad to hear I was not hurt. In the funeral sermon I came upon a sentence I wrote which talked about driving because the deceased did quite a bit of driving. I had to pause before I read it because it applied so appropriately to my experience getting to the funeral. I was sure I had done a mediocre job leading the service because of the internal anxiety and adrenaline I had racing through my mind. I was shocked as the funeral home staff and many attendees told me they were impressed with how calm and thoughtful I was as I lead the service. If only they had been inside my mind, I imagine their comments would be much different. Saturday I plan to get some rest and also to celebrate the grace I received from people and the grace of God that was surely with me today.
I use a GPS device to guide to homes the first time I visit them as a Hospice Chaplain. Most of the times the device is a convenience and gets me to where I am going with ease. However there are those times when the device apparently does not have the information it needs and says I have arrived when I can tell with my eyes I am not where I want to be.
When the device gives me this message I get frustrated and then try to determine what I have to do to arrive where I am headed. It is easy when the GPS is simply 50 feet off and I can see where I am supposed to be. There was one time when I was in the rural Barton area, when the device told me to turn right onto a road that did not exist. It took determination that time to turn around and go back until the first time I could turn right. Then I re-engaged the GPS and it directed me to the house I was headed to. Apparently Route 36 and this road whose name I don’t know were close enough together that the GPS thought they were the same road.
The point of this post is to remind us any time we are given information we must analyze if it is reliable or not. We can use whatever tools we have at our disposal to make this choice. Most of the time I find common sense is the best tool to use in these situations.
I had not realized it has been so many days since I last posted on the site. I have to admit the main reason for not posting was being unable to select a topic to write about. It may not sound like the best reason for not posting, but it is the honest truth. I chose this graphic of roads to show I just did not know what direction I should take as I wrote. I hope that the readers will be able to relate with my dilemma. The good news is that I intend to post on November 13th, so watch for tomorrow’s post and see if it was worth the wait.
I also need to tell you I have disabled the comment section because in the time I have not posted, 2,000 spam comments have been posted and it takes time to delete them. I am hoping a week or so of not accepting comments will re-set the computers that are sending them. The contact me page is still active, so you can send me your thoughts but you can’t post for everyone to see.
Today less than 50% of eligible voters are expected to take advantage of the opportunity to vote for leadership from the local to the national level. This disappoints me because all year long we hear complaints from residents about what our elected leaders are either doing or not doing. On Election Day we have the chance to retain leaders or select new ones. The voting booth is one of the most powerful tools every citizen has to exercise their right to free speech and to elect the candidate that best represent their values and hopes for our country.
In our local elections the offices of County Commissioner, School Board, City Council for Cumberland and Mayor of Cumberland were the subject of great interest. All of these offices have been criticized in the past two years for things they have done and things they have left undone. All of us have to take responsibility for the results of our actions. So for those people, who did not vote, do not blame the elected leaders solely for what is happening. Your lack of participation in the election process is also one ingredient of the situation and it is one ingredient for which you can take personal responsibility.
Today we received several expressions of thanks for the special banquet we held during Pastoral Care Week for our volunteer chaplains. It was the first such banquet we had held and in the beginning we were not sure how many would attend or how they would like what we had planned. Now we know, it was appreciated and well attended. Even better we learned today that our Administration feels the banquet was a good way to express appreciation for our volunteers, so now we have the “green light” to hold one next year. The power of thanking others is often underestimated. I encourage you to make a list of people you want to thank, and then thank them. The positive energy you will create can do amazing things!
When many congregations celebrate All Saints Day one of the components of that celebration is to light a candle for each person being remembered. I like that custom, and have used it in many of the congregations where I have served as pastor. This year in church we read the names of those who had died since the last All Saints Service, but no candles were lit. I came away from the service feeling a bit restless until later in the day, my restlessness was caused by the missing candle lighting.
I know this may seem like a trivial matter, but for many of us the customs we get used to give us meaning and when they are missing the event is not as powerful for us. This got me to thinking about patients who enter the hospital. While they are there many of their customs in their daily routine are changed. No wonder patients feel restless and out of place at the hospital. No matter how much we try, we can’t duplicate the home environment of every patient. So the next best approach is for us to recognize that people are out of their comfort zone and let them know what they can expect. This will give them the peace of mind of knowing what is going to come next.
My experience with All Saints Sunday and the missing candles have given me an appreciation for the customs my patients are missing while they are in the hospital. Hopefully this appreciation will translate into better spiritual care as I interact with patients and their visitors.
