Over the past few days I have been with families who know they have to let go of someone they love as their loved one transitions from life on earth to life in eternity. It has been said differently by each of them, but theme has been consistent. The don’t want to the patient to suffer but they are not ready to say good-bye either.
For those of us who have encountered the death of someone we have loved, we know those moments of letting go are not easy. I try to find ways to let the family members know that letting go is not an act of being weak. It takes strength of faith and conviction to trust you will see the dying person again at a time of God’s choosing. Finding the words to tell the patient that he or she does not have to hang on to life for those they love, but they can go with God and be free from pain and other losses in quality of life is difficult. I am not there to say the words for the family members. I try to create a sacred space and use word images the family has given me without their even realizing it, to give them the peace to make that statement. In most instances when family members can say a sincere “it is okay for you to go” their grieving process given them strength in a time of sadness. What helps you when have to prepare to say that final “good-bye” to someone you love? I would love to hear your story and celebrate your faith.
If you live in or near Cumberland MD currently you would know the phrase, “The Lucky 33” refers to 33 dogs who were rescued from a home where they were all living together without proper care. Our local animal shelter took over possession of the dogs and is giving them the care and re-training they need so they can be adopted out to loving homes. People throughout our area have been discussing how horrible it is to subject a dog to dangerous life threatening or abusive living situations. I agree with them 100%!
What has been good news about this tragedy is that being moved by emotions many people have come to the animal shelter to help. Some have donated products for care of the dogs. Veterinarians have provided immediate and reduced cost medical care. Others have made financial donations. Still other concerned people have become foster parents of dogs already at the shelter to make room for the unusual influx of 33 dogs at one time. Their are a variety of ways their caring turned into action, and all are needed. I am reminded by this that it is not enough to simply care, we must act on what we care about to be part of the solution.
For proof that action is of great value look at the photo below which is representative of a dog after it has been nursed back to health. Yes, we can all make a difference!
Several days ago I remember watching a news interview on TV with a couple in NC about what they were going to do regarding their 4th of July plans in response to Hurricane Arthur. At that time they were hoping the weather service was incorrect and they were planning to stay right by the beach until they had certainty the storm was coming.
Now the power of Arthur is fact and we have pictures to prove it, similar to the one I have posted above. I pray for everyone who is having to restore their homes following the devastation of the storm. I also am thankful for all those who are engaged in rescue and relief efforts.
Back to the couple I was in the TV prior to the storm. I have no idea at what moment they decided Arthur was reality and took preparatory action. I do hope they acted before it was too late to find safety. It reminds of though of patients who receive signals of pain from their bodies but choose not to visit a physician. When the pain becomes so severe then we see them in the Emergency Department. Often because they have not taken action when the pain signals first appeared their chances for a full recovery are reduced. Sadly for some patients, putting off seeing a physician means we are not able to prevent their death by the time they enter the Emergency Department.
I see the regret loved ones feel when they wish their patient had acted more proactively to address their pain and save their life. Please do yourself and your loved ones a favor and seek medical attention at the onset of pain rather than waiting until the pain is so unbearable you have no choice other than to seek assistance. Consider pain as the weather service for your body giving you an advance prediction of when a storm is going to appear. Proactive action is not only a gift to yourself but it is also a gift to those who love you.
Today is Independence Day! Like many I am off work this weekend to enjoy rest and leisure. This week I visited a hospice patient who had a decorative flag display on his table. He told me the hospice program gave it to him. I later learned that for all of our patients who are veterans one of our employees made and delivered these displays to them. Most veterans I have met feel they have made sacrifices for their nation through the military service. At the twilight of their life to receive an unsolicited token of remembrance and appreciation brought smiles to their faces and made them feel joy.
The lesson I am learning from this is that for all patients when you can help them feel joy from previous life events, you can help them feel better in the present.
Today I filled the role of teacher as I taught a new volunteer chaplain how to use our software for entering chaplain visits. I remembered how when I learned the program I felt the emotions of being rushed and of feeling self conscious as I was being watched making every keystroke.
Taking my emotions into account made me a better teacher because I tried to time my instructions to the speed at which the student was moving through the data fields. As she became more experienced I would let her make the entries while I was away from the screen and then double check them prior to the entry being saved.
Remembering my emotions from 4 years ago when I was a student made me a more effective today as a teacher. Emotions can be great guides to shape how we do things. But to learn from them we must recognize them as we experience them and then remember them for future use.
Today was my last day of on-boarding one of our new volunteer chaplain associates. We spent most of our time teaching the process for entering visits made into our medical information management program. The student did very well and practiced a high degree of diligence and effort at making sure what was entered was correct.
I tried to remember how I felt when I was learning how to use the program. I remember feeling rushed and not liking being watched at the keyboard even though I knew it was necessary. To take her feelings into account I told her to let me know if we were going too fast. I also paced myself by speaking slowly and watching what she was doing so that my instructions were not several steps ahead of where she was on the screen. As she gained speed then I would leave sitting next to her to let her make the entry and then have her let me know when she had entered the information. Then I would check it over before it was saved. This was good because she would think through the process by herself and yet I was able to make sure before the entry was saved it was correct.
I would like to think that my centering myself on how I felt as a student helped make me a better teacher. This is just one example of how emotions from one experience can help us in another situation down the road. Emotions are good teachers if we use them well!
This picture of a hospital hallway is one that I found on the internet. I am using it to illustrate what I encountered on my first day back at work following vacation. I had many employees tell me they noticed I had been gone and were glad to have me back. Then I went into a patient’s room and the patient told me he had been there three days and he wondered why I had not been to visit him. Once I explained I had been on vacation, my lack of visiting was immediately forgiven. This opened my eyes in a new way to the fact that staff and patients both count on my presence and ministry. More than the satisfaction of being missed these encounters again reminded me that chaplains are valued even though we don’t measure that value in the other statistical ways we measure other services the hospital provides. To all the chaplains who read this and wonder if you are valued, this is a resounding YES!!
