Often patients tell me they are worried.  One option I have is to tell them not to worry.  This is not a good option to follow because worry is the result of the emotion of fear, and emotions can’t be turned off by command.  So how do I respond when someone tells me they are worried?

I ask them to explain what they are worried about.  As they give their explanations usually a few key phrases they speak are fertile ground for conversation.  By listening and responding with open ended questions, people are able to process their emotions and come to a place of better peace than they were before I entered the room.

One frustration I have is when the conversation reveals deep friction between members of a family.  When a patient has cancer, cardiac issues, or pulmonary issues; the last thing they need to worry about is drama caused by other members of the family.  The family drama saps their energy when it is already at a low level anyway.

I am a firm believer that there are two sides to every interaction and it takes both participants to work to get along.  So I am not saying the patient has no responsibility for the friction that exists.  At times of illness; it is helpful if family members can declare a truce.  Set the issues that caused the division aside and work on supporting the family member who is the patient.  It takes maturity, sensitivity, and discipline to make any truce work.  The benefit of placing less emotional stress on the patient is well worth the effort when there is a strong likelihood that the health of the patient will be better when the stress level is reduced.

The image in this post is the scene at the VA Hospital in El Paso, Texas yesterday after an “active shooter” entered the building.  Many details of the event are still being discovered.  What we do know is that the shooter and 1 physician have died.  This news item caught my attention for two reasons:

• It took place in a hospital and I work in a hospital.
• In November I prepared and presented training to our chaplain volunteers on our hospital’s protocol in “active shooter” events.

First, I want to affirm to all my readers that I am praying for the victims who not only include the two people who died and their families.  My list also includes all those who were in the hospital building that day and were gripped by fear when they realized something very dangerous was unfolding in the building.  People come to any hospital for healing.  No one comes expecting to be traumatized by an act of violence while they are there.  For patients who were not mobile or who move slowly they were probably afraid to remain where they were but also felt unable to move to a location with more safety.  This is partially because if they did not know the location of the shooter it would be impossible to know what locations would be safe and which locations would be unsafe.

The news media will inform us of the basic details of what happened as those details are released by investigators.  This may not be of a lot comfort to those who were there and have the vivid memories of the fear they felt.  Chaplains and counselors I am sure will be available to provide attentive reflective listening and other valuable comfort to those who take advantage of their presence.  Chaplains and counselors can’t prevent these tragedies but we can be part of the recovery process for those who experienced the unexpected fear and trauma of the day.

Today is the first “snow day” of the season for our local school students.  The snow began today at around 4 AM.  You may not at first think this is a topic related to chaplaincy.  I assure you it does relate.  First, parents of children still need to report to work.  So sometimes this means their children are self-supervised instead of being supervised by the school they attend while the parents are away from home.  Second, snow has a magnetic attraction for children.  They want to play in it doing things like making snow men, making snow balls, and sledding.  While these activities can be done safely sometimes injury does result.  Sledding is probably one of the activities that bring up the most accidents.

I had dealt with anxious parents who rush from their place of employment to the hospital to see how their child is doing.  Someone either from home or the hospital has called them to say their child is in our Emergency Department being treated for a sledding accident.  The look of relief on the faces of the parents as they see that the injuries their child received have only been minor always touches my heart.   This is a display of the love a parent has for a child in its purest form.  So today on our first “snow day” I offer anyone out in the snow to be careful and avoid injury.

At our monthly meeting of our volunteer chaplains I was leading the team building portion of the meeting.  I asked everyone to answer the same question, “What was the most meaningful gift you received this Christmas and why was it meaningful?”

Our answered varied based on our situations.  But the common denominator between all the responses was that the love and affection the giver had for the recipient was clear to all of us as the answers were shared.  Gifts do much more than stimulate the economy; they show that we are enough about the recipient to get them something we know they will truly enjoy.  This does not always mean the gift has to be expensive.  It does require action of the heart as we select the gift with the recipient in mind.

In the hospital I speak with patients who often say the gift they want most no matter the time of year is healing of the condition that brought them to us in the first place.  Sometimes we are able to provide healing.  In other instances where all we can offer in management of the illness, patients are still grateful for the tools we use to offer them comfort.  I am convinced that healing and comfort are two of the most important gifts the health care profession offers to our patients.

My day began with some sad news.  I had an email from a clergy colleague telling that a pastor had taken his life by suicide.  He had a history of being treated for depression.  My mind immediately went to how I felt in 2004 when I was diagnosed with depression.  In my case I did not ever seriously contemplate suicide.  But many people with depression at least consider suicide.  And like the report I received today, some patients actually implement a plan that takes their life.

The image I chose for this post spells out several words that are a part of the depression journey.  Unfortunately many people with depression feel shame for not being able to deal with their emotions and overcome the feelings they experience.  Depression itself is nothing to be ashamed about.  How we handle it has a big difference in how completely we get our lives back together and move forward.

In hospital life I periodically have the experience of talking with family members of a patient who has attempted suicide.  These are always situations loaded with emotions.  In the time following an attempt at suicide family members often wonder what signs they missed that things were so serious for the patient.  Often times there are just no easy answers.  I feel it is essential for people to know the symptoms of depression and encourage people we know who exhibit them to get treatment.  Part of this encouragement can take the form of displaying a willingness to walk alongside them on the treatment journey.  Knowing you are not alone and have a person you trust who understands I feel can make a big difference and potentially reduce the number of suicide attempts.  Sure it takes time, but time is a small investment to prevent someone from taking their life.

Weather presents many opportunities for potential injury.  Today in Cumberland is an excellent example; we have no snow on the ground but have been receiving rain and freezing rain all morning.  When I walked my dog this morning both of us slid on a patch of side walk that was icier that the rest of the sidewalk.  We were both able to regain our balance and not fall.  From that point on we walked in the grass where we were able to walk and not slide.

Accidents happen in an instant, like sliding on ice, but the recovery process can take weeks especially if a bone fracture is the result.  I have been with many patients who as they examine how they were injured in retrospect, admit they could have used more caution and save a lot of misery in the process.

Let’s start off 2015 by being safe and taking precautions when we are able to do so.  Very few journeys are worth a bone fracture and potential surgery to follow!

Every week I see people waiting at the hospital.  I have observed these common situations as people play what I will call the “waiting game”.

•  Unoccupied time feels longer than occupied time.
• Anxiety makes waits seem longer.
• Uncertain waits seem longer than known finite waits.
• Solo waits seem longer than group waits.

 If you are preparing to be a hospital patient I advise you to look at this list and think about ways you can deal with the dynamics that are necessary as we wait.

 Bringing a book to read or some other “portable hobby” will allow you to pass time rather than watching the clock as the minutes seem to take forever to move.

 If you have fears about the process those fears can become anxiety and make the waiting seem longer than it really takes.  To help yourself deal with this reality, ask as many questions as you need to about the specific health status of your patient.  Many times people worry about things that are not likely to happen in their situation.

 When dealing with hospital staff if you are asked to wait, it is a great idea to ask the staff member how long you should expect to wait.  Many times employees will volunteer this time frame information to help ease your tensions.

 I have observed that people who wait individually have a lot more anxiety than when several people are waiting together and can offer each other encouragement and make the time pass more quickly.  By all means bring a friend or family member who has a calming effect on you as part of your support system.

 I hope these tips will help you have a better experience next time you are waiting in a hospital.

Today is the first day of the New Year!  We can determine what we do with the year.  The options of how we use our time is in many cases up to us.  My goal is to try to make the best decisions in the uses of my time.  I plan to let the Holy Spirit and discernment guide me as I navigate through the year.  I wish you the best as you make the uses of each day throughout 2015!