In High School I took Latin as a foreign language for 4 years.  Along with learning the words of the language we learned the history that took place while it was in use.  One of the most famous days in history is The Ides of March.

Wikipedia defined the day with these words:

The Ides of March is a day on the Roman calendar that corresponds to 15 March. It was marked by several religious observances and became notorious as the date of the assassination of Julius Caesar in 44 BC.

Anyone alive in the Roman Empire knew where they were when they learned of the assassination of Julius Caesar.  When I meet families at the time of death I observe that the date and time they learned of the loss is written indelibly in their memory.  Death, no matter the cause, is a profound event in our lives.  The actions of processing the information, dealing with the flood of emotions we feel, and wondering what we should be doing next are all things people deal with at a time of loss.

I feel blessed that as a Chaplain I am able to be with families at this time to offer spiritual comfort and presence.  I also help the family with questions they have about protocols for how the deceased will be transferred from our facility to the funeral home.  I also look out for their comfort needs which sometimes include getting them a beverage and at other times may include making a phone call for them.  If they seek a better understanding of what happened medically, I arrange for one of the staff involved in direct care of the patient to come and explain how they death happened.

Death is never an easy event to process.  However anything I can do to help people in their time of stress and confusion is a ministry that is necessary and brings meaning to my work.  Many times later as I encounter these people months later I hear from them how my ministry was a blessing to them in a time of terrible emotional pain.  I can’t imagine what it was like for the person who filled the role of Chaplain for Julius Caesar’s family, but I am sure they like every family were grateful for any comfort and consideration they were given.

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Some people love to talk and others prefer to listen.  Anyone who knows me is aware I love to talk!  In some visits talking it not the primary tool I use because the patient is not able to talk.  In order to gain insight into how the patient is feeling I look at the patient’s eyes.  The way they are positioned along with the eyelids and eyelashes gives me important clues into how the patient is feeling.

Look at image one in this post.  The eyes project an image of calm and contentment.

Look at image two in this post.  The eyes project to me an image of concern and/or pain.

If the patient is unable to speak but is able to respond to questions I use a different set of questions depending on what visual clues I gain from looking at the eyes.  Very rarely do the eyes lead me astray in my assessment of the patient.

Try it today as you encounter people, look at their eyes (without staring) and see if their eyes are matching their mood as they describe how they are feeling!

Another day of cancellations due to snow!  Many school children love the sound of those words.  Adults on the other hand don’t find repeated snow storms all that enjoyable.  We had a snow day in our area today.  As I encountered people these are some of the problems the snow storm caused that were explained to me.

• Patients were lonely because their loved ones could not come due to the weather and the roads being dangerous to drive on.
• Volunteers did not come as scheduled meaning some tasks were not done and meaning that others had to be taken on by others.
• Patients with outpatient appointments called to reschedule their appointments to a day when the weather would less of an issue. This left some employees with sections of their day when they were not as busy as they would like to be.

It is obvious to me that we are generally ready for winter to end.  It is also obvious to me that people are doing the right thing.  When they feel at risk by driving in the snow, they change their plans and stay home.  Part of being a chaplain is listening to those who have been effected by the snow tell their story and vent their frustration.

Some of my friends ask me how I decide which patients and visitors to visit at the hospital.  There are many factors that can bring me into a specific area.  If I am paged a visit is guaranteed.  I also have units that I am assigned to visit and I can be found there frequently.  I also do what we call “general rounding” where I can be anywhere in the hospital and look for people who appear to have concern.

The picture I have borrowed for this post shows a man who by facial expression and body language gives me a clue that I should approach him to see if I can help him cope.  These visits often take place in waiting areas as family and/or friends are waiting before they can see the patient they came to see.

The visits are often rich in content as I learn what the patient is having done and I learn how much the person waiting cares for the patient.  Often as people wait they feel helpless or they reimagine what brought them to this point and think, “If only we had ___________, then we might not be here now.”  Offering affirmation and a break from the act of waiting while you are alone is one ministry a chaplain can offer that visitors really value.  While they don’t think to ask for a chaplain they express they are glad I took the time to visit and spend some time with them on their journey.  Some visitors as me to pray with them right there in the waiting area.  Other times people don’t want a prayer at the moment but invite me to come see the patient and pray when the patient is back in their assigned room.  I do what the visitor desires because my goal is to be of comfort to them in that moment and not follow a predetermined list of actions based on my needs.  Anxiety is a part of the waiting process, but it can be lessened by meaningful conversations and the display of empathy and concern.

Every day at work I try to practice courtesy in all of my encounters.  Since I am an upbeat person this comes naturally to me.  It is also part of the culture that is nurtured in our hospital.  I wish I could say being courteous is always easy!  Sometimes I see or hear something that is against what I believe is proper and would love to “speak my mind”.  When this happens before I speak I silently ask myself, “Is what I am thinking really the proper thing to say at this moment?”

I found myself wanting to respond in less than a courteous manner two times today.  I probably would have done so had it not been for the culture of courtesy that is promoted in our hospital.  Being courteous keeps the dialogue open and creates the opportunity for honest sharing.  When courtesy is absent in an encounter, people “hold back” talking to strangers.  Since many people I meet every day are strangers to me, I have to present myself in a manner that allows them to feel safe engaging in conversation with me.

Though courtesy is not nearly as obvious a spiritual discipline as prayer, if I ever want to have the chance to pray with someone, I have to show them I am courteous first.  If I don’t the opportunity for prayer may never happen.

Yesterday I wrote about the first day of Spring and how the weather resembled Winter more than it did Spring.  Today the weather is bright and sunny and it feels good just to be outside in the open air.  I reflected on this and thought, “What a difference a day makes?”

As I reflected on my change in attitude in the weather it reminded me of the change in mood in patients when they start to feel better than when they entered the hospital.  Here some comments I receive from patients that tell me they have improved during their stay:

• “I thought I was going to die last night in the Emergency Room, who would have thought all I had was heartburn?”
• “When I learned I had a stroke I felt my life was over. Now with therapy I am going to be okay, I’ll just have to take things more slowly.”
• “When I heard the word ‘dialysis’ I was sure my days were numbered. Now I have been on treatment for 2 years and I find the treatments have given me the blessing of continuing to watch my grandchildren grow.”

All of these encounters have caused me to remember a simple but true statement: Don’t put a period where God has placed a comma.  I am going to try to remember this outlook as I move forward in life.  I invite you to join me!