This is not a picture of my desk.  I found it on the Internet to illustrate my day.  A volunteer came to my desk today asking to have a piece of scotch tape.  I was in the process of trying to catch up on 8 items at the same time.  She went on to tell me she had a sympathy card for someone who works in our office suite.  That is when and how I learned that my friend’s father had died.  The funeral was to start in less than an hour, and I had missed the visitation the night before.  In my heart and head, I knew where I needed to be: at the funeral home to support my friend.  My desk work was not more important than my friendship.  So I immediately put my work away and rushed to the funeral home.  I am so glad I did not miss out on the funeral and the luncheon that followed.  Her father would have been so happy to see his family come together to remember, honor, and commend him to the Heavenly kingdom.  Her Dad and I met many times.  The first time we met he did me a favor at watched my dog so I could go to work.  Then I met him as he volunteered at the Information Desk at the hospital.  Later I spent time with him during several hospitalizations.  I will always remember his smile and the accent of his voice.  He is at peace with the Lord and no longer limited by the health issues he faced.

I could have skipped the funeral and later told my friend I cared.  That would not do for me because I feel that part of caring is taking the time be with someone at significant moments in life.

The image above is one I downloaded from the Internet.  It is supposed to depict a lung transplant surgery.  Saturday I helped very good friends of mine with a Spaghetti Supper that is a benefit to raise money for a local woman who needs a lung transplant.  She has been approved for the transplant and is now on the waiting list.  She could get a phone call any time and have 3 hours to get to the regional out of state hospital where the surgery would take place.

I had a very small role in the whole process.  I was at the table collecting the requested donation of $ 7 per meal.  That day I assisted 250+ people contribute to her cause and also enjoy a great meal.  The patient and her family were there for the event and were very moved by all the support given.  They had people they had never met helping raise money for the costs associated with the surgery and recovery process.  People who came knew the purpose of the dinner.  Many made donations over and above the cost of their meal ticket.

As I look back on the event the part of the event that leaves a lasting impression on me is how people, so of whom had never met previously, came together to help in cause they all mutually supported.  There was no maneuvering for positions of prestige.  There no attempt to “climb the ladder” to gain importance.  Every job was viewed as equally essential to the overall goal.  I came away tired, but I also came away touched by the power of loving people working together in a loving way.  I will remember this for a long time!

I visit as many as 40 hospital rooms a day.  I was paged to a room and scrambled the number in my mind and entered the wrong room.  I could tell from the calm demeanor in the room that this was not where I was supposed to be.  While I was there I noticed a service dog sitting in a chair next to a visitor.  Because I was needed urgently, I had to politely excuse myself and learn where I was supposed to be and then get there as quickly as possible.  Later I encountered the visitor and the service dog in the hallway and had the luxury of leisure and engaged the visitor in a conversation.  The visitor told me about all the ways the dog helps her deal with her hearing deficit by sounding a bark.  Here is a partial list of things the dog will alert her to:

• A whistling tea pot.
• The doorbell.
• The telephone.

I was most impressed with how the presence of the dog gave her joy and a sense of independence.  As we talked she did not complain once about lack of hearing.  She continually praised her service animal for all the ways he helps here.  I was impressed with his behavior.  The dog did not seem the least bit nervous being in a hospital or upset by all the sounds that are a part of the hospital setting.

As I walked away from our conversation I wondered how I would behave if I was the one with the service dog.  Would I praise the dog?  Would I complain about how hard life is without the ability to hear in a normal manner?  I will probably never know the answers to these questions.  But as I remember this visitor, I am going to remember her spirit and example to be thankful and adjust to new ways of dealing with life rather than complain about what I can’t do.  It was a good lesson for me and helped me examine the whole role of thankfulness vs. complaining that all of us can face in life.

Our health system has a policy of mandatory flu shots for all employees and volunteers.  There are ways to get an exemption if you have a medical justification that is documented or a religious prohibition that is documented by your faith group.  For those who have been employed for volunteered this event is routine and does not cause much stress.  Yesterday we had our Flu Shot Tent set up from 5 AM to 11 PM.  By the time I left work, 551 people had received their flu shot.

We have a new volunteer in our department that had never had the flu shot and was scared of the process.  I suggested she get the shot early in her shift, and then if she had a reaction she would still be surrounded by a plentiful supply of health care staff to document the reaction and also provide relief from the symptoms.  She saw the logic in my suggestion but still was not convinced she really wanted the vaccine.  I went on with my day and did not give it much thought.

Later I saw the volunteer and she told she had the vaccine and so far she was not having a reaction.  I gave her praise and asked her if she was relieved the process was over.  she replied it was great not having the fear looming in the back of her mind.  Fear is a real emotion, it can weigh us down.  Chaplains often help people process their fears.  This is just an example I can share where fear was relieved and the removal of that fear helped her step forward.  I wish you all the best in confronting your fears and moving beyond them.

One of the congregations in our community was hosting a Presbyterian Clergy on a sabbatical for a week.  He spent 3 hours with me at the hospital.  We had a rich lively conversation about the differences between hospitals in the Czech Republic and the United States.  In the Czech Republic they have a government controlled health system and everyone pays a mandated premium.  The large cities are the locations of the best hospitals.  Pre-qualification for treatments is required and high cost medical options are only available if you can pay the cost yourself.  As we talked about the needs of the people, we found much more in common.  Their patients have anxiety when they are sick, just like patients I encounter every day.  Their patients have worries about health care coverage, just like our patients do.  Their patients value pastoral care, just as our patients do.  But in the Czech Republic when it was under communist rule, clergy were not allowed in the hospitals to visit patients.  Trained chaplains are not nearly as common in their country as they are here in the USA.  Though we had never met before it was amazing how much we shared in common as we took a look at the issues people face when they are in need of health care.

I had to be out of the office for health system related reasons.  When I returned I found that several people had tried to contact me by voice mail or email and were surprised I could not be reached.  As I contacted them to let them know I was just receiving their message and that I had been out of the building, each one understood my absence.  There was also another recurring thread in their responses.  That thread was that I am usually to easily reached it surprised them when I did not respond promptly.  Until this event happened I had not realized what a reputation I had built of being prompt in responding to messages and emails.

I am intentionally prompt to show people I care about them.  It was affirming to see that people notice it and value it, even though it took my not being available to prompt them to share their feelings.  My learning from today: “Make people a priority, they will notice, and they will appreciate it”.

Physicians have a difficult task when they have to explain the medical status of patient in critical condition.  The family generally wants to know what is wrong and how long it will take for the patient to get better.  These are logical questions, and most of us can see how the answers to them can bring comfort to the family members of the patient.  Not all medical situations present themselves with immediate answers.  At times deciding what is wrong is a process of ruling out one possibility after another.  With testing, waiting for results and consultations this is not always a quick process.  I with a physician recently who was trying to explain what was happening to very distraught family members.  I was impressed at by the calmness in her tone of voice.  She was consistent in her answers, even when the family essentially tried to ask the same question in many different ways.

The family eventually was able to calm down partly due to the calmness projected by the physician.  I tried to help the family by reminding them of what the physician said when they were remembering what had been said incorrectly.  As the family received signs of expression and support from those who sent them text messages or called them, they began to calm down.  Providing companionship and a non-anxious presence is exactly what some family’s need as they wait for their medical questions to be answered.  This is truly a team process.

We have a small pastoral care department.  Thus there are frequent times when no one is in our office.  Our office is also nowhere near the chapel, so if someone looks in the vicinity of the chapel it is not highly likely they will find a chaplain.  We do have phone on the wall a sign with directions on how to have a chaplain paged.  This week I was on one of our nursing floors walking down the hallway.  The group ahead of me was talking loudly enough that anyone in the vicinity including me could hear them.  The conversation showed they wanted a chaplain and did not know how to find one.  I spoke from behind them and introduced myself as a chaplain and offered to assist them.

The group was thrilled that after searching on their own I suddenly appeared when they were not expecting me.  They had concerns about the patient they were visiting and did not want to have the conversation in the patient’s room.  I told them we could use a nearby consult room and led them to that location.  I was intrigued about why the conversation could not be held in the patient room and felt rather than ask I would wait and see if they would volunteer that information as we interacted.  They felt badly about a request the patient made of them that they were not able to honor, and wanted to process whether they were doing the right thing and how they could move forward without feeling guilty.

Their situation reminded me that no one wants to disappoint a patient: hospital staff, family, or friends.  There are times what the patient wants is very understandable but the resources to meet that request just are not available.  The family was not able to take the patient home to care for the patient and the patient did not want to go to a nursing facility.  The conflict between the patient’s desire and family’s resources was the reason for discomfort.  Being a person who likes to “fix” problems I felt badly that I did not have an instant solution to provide them.  By listening to them tell their situation they had the chance to hear their reasons for not being able to take the patient home.  They were convinced their reasons were valid.  I offered affirmation that they had not dismissed the request without thoroughly examining how it might be accomplished.  I offered to go with them to the patient’s room and be a resource as they explained their limitations to the patient.

That is what happened.  The patient was not mad at the family; the patient knew their situation but was hoping they had a solution.  The patient affirmed how the bond of love was still just as strong and that if going to a facility was the resolution that would be fine.  The patient asked me to pray, that did not surprise me.  The second part of the request did surprise me.  The patient continued she wanted me to thank God for providing such a loving and concerned set of children.  The request for the prayer brought the family more comfort than I have words to describe.  I did pray with everyone and we did join hands.

As I left the scene I was thrilled that I had happened to walk behind them and hear their need for a chaplain.  More importantly it was fantastic to see that the bond of love within the family was strong enough for them to remain in a positive relationship with each other when the children were not able to meet the request of their parent.  This displayed to me that it is often okay to not grant a request as long as we show we are not dismissing the request without giving it serious consideration.

“Facing a Brick Wall” is an expression we use in conversation to indicate we have come upon a stopping place we did not expect and did not desire.  Some writers also call this “writers block” when they are unable to write when they really do want to write.  My daily readers will notice I have not blogged for roughly a week.  I was “Facing a Brick Wall”.  The problem with brick walls is that if you are not athletic like I am not, you can’t scale the wall.  I am afraid of heights so a tall ladder is not an option.  Going around the wall also was not an option.

My brick wall was making a difficult decision.  I found myself in the shoes of many of the patients and family members I deal with regularly at the hospital.  They have been given facts, they have been given options, and they do not like any of the options to deal with facts they have been given.  Difficult decisions are one of the hardest things we face in life.  And it appears many of us have to face more of them than seems fair at times.

When I come along-side a person or family wresting with a difficult decision I listen.  I offer assurance.  I try to get them to think about their values and what direction their values give them in possible responses.  Sometimes we pray, but even if prayer is not spoken at the moment these conversations and times of non-anxious presence have a sacramental nature to them.

This week I took my own advice and found a prayer partner to help me sort my way through the decision I was making.  Now that the decision has been made, I am able to write again.  I write not out of sense of duty but out of sense of transparency – being open about my work and my approaches to life events in the hopes that what I write can benefit others.  If you have missed my daily postings I am glad to tell you I am back to writing.  Thank you for reading along with me.

In Sunday School today we discussed the terms “covenant” and “contract” to learn how we relate to God and how we ought to relate to each other.  In doing a word search I learned that the word “covenant” is almost exclusively used in a religious context.  Since I am trying to make this blog interesting to readers of all faith perspectives, I want to spend time with you today thinking about “covenant” without putting it in the context of a faith community.

At its root in a covenant there are two parties.  Each party agrees to do something and both parties are intended to be better off working together than they would be working alone.  Let’s take this example: My friend needs someone to drive his children school because the time of getting to school conflicts with the time he is due at work.  I agree to drive his children to school and ask that in return since I have no mechanical skills the father of the children will do repairs on my car.  The father benefits because his children get to school safely and dependably.  The driver benefits because he knows his car will be repaired when needed.  For each of them this is a “WIN-WIN” agreement.

In the example I have crafted above neither party is forced to share in the agreement.  But both parties can have a high level of trust that each will hold up their end of the covenant.  In my mind the mutual nature of a covenant stands out in stark contrast to some contracts where one of the parties is able to exercise some method of enforcement to make sure the other party conforms with the terms as stated.

I feel all of us would be better off in our relationships if we approached them from the covenant model rather than the contract model.  What do you think?  I’d love to hear your thoughts.