We have a small pastoral care department. Thus there are frequent times when no one is in our office. Our office is also nowhere near the chapel, so if someone looks in the vicinity of the chapel it is not highly likely they will find a chaplain. We do have phone on the wall a sign with directions on how to have a chaplain paged. This week I was on one of our nursing floors walking down the hallway. The group ahead of me was talking loudly enough that anyone in the vicinity including me could hear them. The conversation showed they wanted a chaplain and did not know how to find one. I spoke from behind them and introduced myself as a chaplain and offered to assist them.
The group was thrilled that after searching on their own I suddenly appeared when they were not expecting me. They had concerns about the patient they were visiting and did not want to have the conversation in the patient’s room. I told them we could use a nearby consult room and led them to that location. I was intrigued about why the conversation could not be held in the patient room and felt rather than ask I would wait and see if they would volunteer that information as we interacted. They felt badly about a request the patient made of them that they were not able to honor, and wanted to process whether they were doing the right thing and how they could move forward without feeling guilty.
Their situation reminded me that no one wants to disappoint a patient: hospital staff, family, or friends. There are times what the patient wants is very understandable but the resources to meet that request just are not available. The family was not able to take the patient home to care for the patient and the patient did not want to go to a nursing facility. The conflict between the patient’s desire and family’s resources was the reason for discomfort. Being a person who likes to “fix” problems I felt badly that I did not have an instant solution to provide them. By listening to them tell their situation they had the chance to hear their reasons for not being able to take the patient home. They were convinced their reasons were valid. I offered affirmation that they had not dismissed the request without thoroughly examining how it might be accomplished. I offered to go with them to the patient’s room and be a resource as they explained their limitations to the patient.
That is what happened. The patient was not mad at the family; the patient knew their situation but was hoping they had a solution. The patient affirmed how the bond of love was still just as strong and that if going to a facility was the resolution that would be fine. The patient asked me to pray, that did not surprise me. The second part of the request did surprise me. The patient continued she wanted me to thank God for providing such a loving and concerned set of children. The request for the prayer brought the family more comfort than I have words to describe. I did pray with everyone and we did join hands.
As I left the scene I was thrilled that I had happened to walk behind them and hear their need for a chaplain. More importantly it was fantastic to see that the bond of love within the family was strong enough for them to remain in a positive relationship with each other when the children were not able to meet the request of their parent. This displayed to me that it is often okay to not grant a request as long as we show we are not dismissing the request without giving it serious consideration.