I was filled with joy when I read that the Washington Monument was reopened yesterday following damage from the earthquake in 2011.  I still remember where I was when the earthquake was felt.  I was in Cumberland Maryland making a patient visit in a room very near the elevators.  When the building shook I first thought it was an elevator problem.  That surprised me since our building was only 2 years old.  It did not take long with all the TV sets in the patient rooms for me to learn what happened was on a far larger scale than I imagined.  Until the earthquake I had not thought about the fact that the monument is made with limestone instead of harder substance like granite.  The limestone was so brittle it could not withstand the tremors.

That reminded me of some of my early visits as a Chaplain where I was the “limestone chaplain” insecure of myself and easily confused when something happened during a visit that I did not expect.  Now I think I have transitioned to a “granite chaplain”.  I know that anything, especially the unexpected, can happen in any visit.  Rather than be scared when things surprise I lean on my faith and clarity of purpose that keeps me in chaplaincy.

I remember one visit where two visitors were with the patient.  One visitor thought the patient was getting better and the other visitor thought the patient was getting worse.  Trying to learn background information I asked what I thought was a simple question, “What prognosis are the physicians giving you?”  The reply was unexpected, both visitors said, “You can’t believe a thing these doctors tell you!”  That comment gave me no background on what the expected medical outcome was. It did tell me there was doubt in the minds of everyone in the room about what would happen.  I paused before I responded and then turned to the patient and said, “Your visitors have told me how they see your health changing, how do you see it?”  The patient surprised me and the people who were visiting when she said, “Those two have never agreed on a thing.  If they agreed I would know I was dying because they would be trying to comfort me by acting out of character.  I will get better in time, I trust my physician and I have my whole church praying for me.  A Mass has been said for me and I have people in at least 45 states and several countries praying for me.”  I learned from that visit the patient had confidence and also that she was not thrown for a loop by the discussion her visitors were having so why should I be thrown for a loop by it?

We had several more visits and even though I did not see the people visiting her again, the patient would laugh when she would remember the confused look I had on my face during the first visit.  Now that I look back on that I see that by being honest, showing my doubt, I revealed my humanity to the patient in a way that was comforting to her.  Fortunately I can say I had a moment as “granite chaplain” instead of a “limestone chaplain” who was crushed by two mutually opposing opinions.

John Wesley said, “Preach faith until you have it, then preach faith because you have it.”  Visiting with confidence is perhaps the chaplains corollary to the advice Wesley gave his preachers in the 1700’s.  It is still good advice today!

I recently had a conversation with a Hospice patient’s family member.  The patient died, but the death came sooner than the family member was prepared for it to happen.  The family member spoke about a feeling of shock and also a feeling of not knowing what to do next.  I think the “what to do next” step is the one that is most difficult for all of us.  Instinctively we know we have to move forward, but intellectually we just don’t know what the next step is.  We talked for a bit and the person outlined some options that were being considered.  I told the person that even though they felt empty now, they had given their patient the most precious gift anyone can give.  They gave the patient right to die at home, surrounded by loved ones, in a state of dignity.  I pointed out that no matter what happens in the future nothing will ever diminish the value of the love and care that was provided.  I was told that hearing those words were comforting and that having someone who would listen patiently was a great comfort.

We can all gain learning from this conversation.  Being willing to listen patiently when someone is in need allows us to give them a gift beyond monetary cost.  Even after they forget what we said, they will not forget our being present with them.  Who do you know that you can lend the gift of your attentive listening to?  What would have to happen to make you available to them?  Take the next step, reach out and see how you will be allowed to be a vehicle of grace for them by just being there.  Please feel free to post some of your stories in listening as replies to this message.  Together we can encourage each other in the care of others!

Today I attended a church where a friend of mine is pastor.  She was presenting her Holy Humor Service.  It was fun to see her action leading worship.  It was also inspirational to see how much the members of the church cared for their mothers.  One thing I enjoyed about the service is the balance it contained.  Mother’s were respected and thanked but the institution of motherhood was not placed on a pedestal.  Not a lot of memories of my mother are pleasant ones, and therefore Mother’s Day is a difficult holiday for me to get into on an emotional basis.  The truth no matter what our relationship with our mother is or was; none of us would be without our Mother’s.  So I pray that you had a meaningful time today as you relfected on your mother!

Yesterday I attended a workshop at Allegany College of Maryland.  The leader was Mike Pizzi an instructor in OT and PT in New York City.  I was the only chaplain who registered to attend.  In the introductions I said my purpose there was to learn more about rehabilitation so when patients share their anxiety about it with me, I would have some factual comments to make to reduce their anxiety.  I expected to gain many insights from the event, which I did.  What I did not expect was that I added value to the experience for the OT and PT professionals as I shared how patients interact with the chaplain on rehabilitation issues.  During the take away segment three different attendees stated that my being there and the comments I made were going to improve how they relate to patients and treat them as whole persons.  This is an example of the synergy that is created when providers in different disciplines collaborate and think things through from a patient centered perspective.  I learned from the OT and PT providers and they learned from me.  Now many patients will benefit from a sole chaplain signing up to attend a Continuing Education event geared toward therapists.  It shows me I need to “get out of my box” and attend events that will give me the chance to interact with other disciplines.

To help affirm the Home Hospice Team in the fantastic work they do caring for dying patients in their homes, I provided a short service of honor and blessing.  This 10 minute service took place at the beginning of our Team Meeting.  There was a responsive litany in which each discipline was to read a prayer with the whole group joining in affirmation with the response, “Hear our Prayer.”  We took turns serving each other Holy Communion at the end.  Since we meet around a table each week, it seemed like a no brainer to have table fellowship that included the Eucharist as we bless the team.  The team responded positively to the event.  Each of them goes far beyond the routine expectations in the work they do.  They are a great group to work with even though I am only assigned to their clinical area one day a week.

I have been encouraged to share stories from my experiences in health care chaplaincy in a way that helps others learn from the experiences I encounter daily.  Activities can range from the truly spectacular to moments of intense tragedy.  In the course of the day I move along this spectrum at a pace that is often total unexpected by me.  What keeps me in this ministry of health care you ask, the answer in one word: CALLING!  I am in chaplaincy because this where I have discerned that God wants me at this time. I am here to bring grace and love to all the situations I encounter.  I invite to follow along through my journeys.  Because of privacy laws and policies I have to write my posts in a way that protects the identity of the people with whom I am engaging.