Since today is Saturday I taking a break from hospital-related topics and moving to one of the incidents that has been in the news all week.  From my title you have already guessed I am talking about the racial tensions in Ferguson Missouri following the shooting a black teenager by a white police officer.  Sadly this event has provoked a crisis.  The severity of the crisis was made clear when Jay Nixon, Governor of Missouri, brought in the Missouri State Patrol to provide law enforcement instead of allowing that duty to remain with the local police department.  His move was well-intentioned, he wanted to end the violence and calm tempers.

Sadly the nation learned as we awoke on Saturday morning that violence and looting had taken place in the early hours before the sun rose.  I chose this picture for my post because rather than documenting violence it shows people in the community listening to leadership.  It shows the right method for people to use to get the information they need regarding the initial tragedy.  My pain in reading what has continued to happen is that the original death and violence has been met with additional violence and personal injury.

My prayer is that citizens in Ferguson can move to non-violent ways of listening and speaking what is in their hearts and on their minds.  The events of the past week remind me of events from the 1960’s.  History has shown that was a painful time for many cities in our nation.  It is not a trend that I want reappear even in one community much less spread to other communities.  I invite you to join me in praying for peace!

I was walking down the hallway in one of our nursing units and one of the nurses said to me, ‘You are here!”  I asked how I could help and she told me she had paged the on-call chaplain to pray with a patient prior to the procedure and I was not the chaplain who responded.  The patient had wanted me to respond because I had two prior visits and a relationship was established.

The good news is that the patient was still in the room as the transport team had just arrived.  So I was able to go to the room and provide a prayer for the patient from a chaplain who knew the patient and the background for the procedure.  Following the prayer and the exit of the patient those waiting with the patient told me they appreciated my coming but were surprised I came following the other chaplain’s visit.  I told them I was coming to the room as part of my rounding just to check on her and did not know anything about the request until I met the nurse outside the room in the hallway.

My learning from this incident is that patients gain peace from having familiarity with their care-givers through their hospitalization.  Continuity of care is an emotional benefit we offer the patient that immediately brings them comfort.  I am so glad I happened to approach the room when I did instead of thirty minutes later when I would have missed the opportunity to pray.

Many times my first encounter with a patient is in the hospital, the first picture on this post.  Some of my patients eventually transfer to hospice care and my visits with them are in the home, a same picture is the second picture in the post.

I have a welcome letter that is sent to all new hospice patients informing them that I am available to visit them.  Many are not motivated to invite a visit until I make my follow up phone call and they recognize my voice as the voice of the chaplain they met when they were hospitalized.  Once they realize they know me, the invitation to come visit is generally extended by them before I get the opportunity to ask if I can visit.

This tells me that the patient – chaplain relationship developed in the hospital lasts well past the day the patient is discharged from the hospital.  This relationship is what allows me to “get my foot in the door” when they are home.  As I talk with patients they many times will tell me what impression my visits to them in the hospital made them want me to come to their home.  I learn a lot from what patients tell me is important.

Here is a short list of some of the most common responses I receive:

• You took the time to learn about my family and how my illness is affecting all of us.
• You listed without pronouncing an answer at the end of the visit.
• You allowed me to express my faith background and honored it.

All of these responses show one common ingredient: LISTENING.

The story of the patient’s life is important to them and when they can perceive you are truly listening it makes a difference to them!  When the future is uncertain (which applied in many illness situations) having a companion come along beside you and accompany you on the journey makes a difference.  It shows respect, caring, and that their personal story is important.

So I want to close this post with a sincere thank you to all who are regularly reading my blog.  By reading you are “listening” to what is on my mind.  As you read you are learning about the mission of chaplaincy and I truly appreciate that interest you are showing!

Today I did something I frequently do when I am at the grocery store.  I found a lone cart left on the lot and pushed it into the store to use it for my shopping.  As I was heading toward the store the employee who was out in the parking lot collecting carts thanked me for bringing a cart back in.  I told him it was a small thing I could do to make his job easier.  Then he replied, “You are a nice guy even when you are not at the hospital”.  I asked him what he meant and he explained he had seen me visit one of his parents as a patient at the hospital and thought I was being nice and then just assumed it was “part of my job”.

At the store he had no expectation of my helping with his job and when I did it without being asked it made an impression.  I have found over and over again that patients and their family members recognize me when I am out in the community.  When I am not at work is when I have the chance to show the sincerity I show as a chaplain, I live as a citizen.  It makes an impression and makes a difference to people.

The next time you wonder if doing some small act of kindness when you think no one else is looking makes any difference, I can assure you it does.  You never know when someone who has been part of your ministry activities is watching you be yourself.  When you can display responsibility and kindness as a mode of living it speaks volumes.  It affirms to those you care for at the hospital that caring is part of your DNA and not just something you can be paid to do.

Wonder if I am correct?  Try it and see, then report back your findings here!

Talking about a serious illness can be difficult both for the patient and for the family members of the patient.  Part of this is because emotionally one person may be ready to deal with the potential realities of the illness more readily than the other person.  I encourage those people who are frustrated that the other person does not want to discuss it to be patient and when they bring the topic up do it in non-confrontational manner.  I also tell them I am there to listen with them express how they feel and perhaps by talking with me it will help them have conversation with the other person.

As a caution to family members who may be reading this post. When the patient is ready to discuss their illness please try to engage in the conversation even if you are uncomfortable doing so.  When a patient wants to discuss the illness or its ramifications and the family does not want to it further compounds the frustration and emotion burden the patient is bearing.

Listening has a value that is more powerful than we often realize.  All of us can afford to give the gift of listening!

I joined the ranks of many people around the world today who were sorry to hear that Robin Williams had died.  Even more upsetting was that it appears from the initial investigation that he took his own life.  His fans did not expect that to happen.

I have worked with people who have an ongoing battle with depression both as a local pastor and as a chaplain.  One of the myths I run into when dealing with patients and loved ones alike is that people believe if you can laugh then you can’t be depressed.  This is why those who are with a depressed person regularly don’t see the person as depressed.  Laughter indicates that you find a comment or scene funny, it does not say how you feel about yourself or the inner thoughts and emotions consume your mental and emotional energy.

So this blog entry today is a two pronged message.  First, it is a way to say good-bye to Robin and thank him for all the laughter he provided to his audiences during his career.  Second, it is a reminder to us not to be fooled by laughter and assume just because the person can laugh that they are not hurting inside.  Once we understand that we can be on the lookout for other visible signs of depression.  If we see them and reach out to even one person and prevent them from taking their life, our efforts will be well spent.

Here are some common visible signs of depression:

• Unintended loss of weight and reduced appetite.
• Significant change in sleep habits, sleeping more than usual or having recurring insomnia.
• Unexplained aches and pains in arms, legs and other areas.
• Cutting back on attending social situations that you previously enjoyed and participated in regularly.
• Calling into work and taking a sick day because you just don’t have the energy to work.

This picture shows just a portion of the front of our building.  Today in worship the pastor’s theme was now change is a necessary part of life.  We can’t refuse to change, but we can decide how we will react to change.  With change you can be a leader with a prophetic vision of where we should be heading, or you can can drag along waiting to see if the change proposed turns out to be a good idea in your opinion.

I deal with people everyday who are facing changes in their lives.  Some are major changes and others are minor.  Whether major or minor change most people find a way of saying they wish things did not have to change at all.  As the opportunity allows itself I ask them, “Where is your faith is in the midst of this change?”  The responses vary greatly.  The most helpful feedback I receive is down the road when I encounter the person again and they thank me for asking them the question.  It seems we don’t automatically use our faith to help us process change.  I find that when people tap into their spiritual resources in a time of change they are better able to deal with the change.

I am curious what your experience with change is, please share so we can all benefit in adapting to change.

Today I was asked for my advice on a pastoral care matter.  I am always willing to converse with people so being asked the question did not seem unusual.  After the conversation was over I reflected on the words used by the person who called me.  The words were: experience, trust, and respect.

When someone sees you as a person who has these qualities it says a lot about the impression you have made on them.  When I think about the people I go to for advice I can see myself using the same words that I heard in the conversation today.

As I reflect on the practice of asking for advice I see it as a way that we can test our inclinations and seek either confirmation we are headed in the right direction or discover alternative ways to handle a specific situation.

In summary I see asking for advice as a STRENGTH because you are seeking to be the best that you can be in the situation.  I invite you to share your experiences or thoughts on asking advice.

Today I officiated a Memorial Service for a patient I had known both through ministry at the Hospital and through Home Hospice.  There was an interesting coincidence because this service fell on what would have been my father’s 87th birthday.  He died at the age of 61.

In preparation for the service I talked with the family and listened to the ways the deceased man made contributions to the members of his family through the role of fatherhood.  His actions as a father made him a hero in his children’s eyes when they were young.  As adults the children gained excellent examples on how to be effective parents to their own children.  That is part of the legacy of his life that we celebrated in the service.

I found myself thinking a lot about my own father as I was planning the service.  I had to be intentional during the service to stay focussd on the person who had died and not my own father.  It was a moment of self-awareness that served me well.  I did spend time later that thinking about my father and that was helpful to me.  I will admit it was an unusual and unexpected way to remember my father on the anniversary of his birthday.

This shows us that current ministry acts can trigger memories of our own life-story and we must be in touch with how our life-story affects the ministry we provide in the present.

Many people do not like to cry.  I am one of them!

Today I was participating in a teleconference on helping patients and family members process grief.  I was reminded of patients I have known who because they did not want to cry, would change their focus anytime a painful memory and emotion came to them.  The powerful thing about tears is that once we talk about the source event behind them we gain emotional release.  It is actually healthier to face the tears early on rather than try to force them away,  If it is a strong emotion it will surely come back to you at some point.

People who a grieving can appear to be angry when they are really simply hurting and don’t have another way to express it.  To love these grieving people we have to not be put off by the anger we see and engage with them in conversation until the hurting behind the grief is brought to light so it can be dealt with in a positive restorative way.

You can be a friend by not being afraid of the tears of others and staying with them through the tears.