One day I was working with a person who was in grief over the death of someone special. Because of the high level of emotional grief in play the person was scared of how to write an obituary that gave proper respect for all the deceased person had done. I suggested that before anything was written on paper that the loved one should ask this question, “What would my life be like without _________?”
Later when I had read the obituary and then saw the person who wrote I commented on how respectfully and completely the obituary summarized the life of the deceased. The author of the obituary said my question was helpful. It helped change the focus from what was lost through death to what had been gained through living. When a lot of people hear the title “chaplain” they associate it with prayer. Chaplaincy often times is more focused on helping us process our thoughts and reconcile them with our emotions than it is with prayer. The instance I have described is just one time out of many where a change in the angle at which we approach a painful moment makes all the difference in how well or how poorly we are able to deal with emotional pain. I offer you the invitation to change perspective when you are trapped by painful emotions that keep you from moving forward.
On Friday when I left the hospital the outcomes for several patients and their treatment plans was not discernable. I don’t like leaving on Friday not knowing if I will be able to see the patient again the following week. That is the way life is, it does not conveniently fit into the five calendar grids of my normal work week. Today one of my high priority items was to visit these patients to determine their present status and then to see what I could do to support them and their family members. This week felt like Christmas because all of the people whose condition had been on my mind over the weekend were improved from how they were on Friday. Each patient and their family members were happy and I also was happy. We had prayers of thanksgiving and a lot of rejoicing as I went from room to room. Some days there is not a lot of rejoicing when visiting patients so I am thankful for the rejoicing that took place today.
In our Sunday School Class today we focused on the universal need for reconciliation. None of us can live a normal lifetime and not feel wrong or angered one or more times during our lives. Reconciliation is the act of setting aside the hurt, anger, despair, or jealousy created by the event restoring your relationship with the other person to the point where it was prior to the event that fractured the relationship.
In our class today we remembered the words from The Lord’s Prayer, “And forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive them that trespass against us.” We were reminded that the extent to which we forgive others is the extent that we are asking God to forgive us as we pray.
I want God to forgive me of 100% of my sin, so therefore I have no other option than to forgive others of 100% of their sin. When I do that, we are restored and reconciled! Put in this context reconciliation seems a lot more important to me now that it prior to attending class today.
Naps are one way we can gain rest. I had noticed from the events of the past week that I was very mentally tired. So today I dedicated the first four hours to getting rest. It is a Saturday, so there is no reason why I should not rest. More importantly I know I need be rested before Monday comes and I am again spending emotional and mental energy to help others. I encourage you to listen to your body and when it is crying out for rest, please find time to give it the rest you deserve. Running on empty is not good in a car and it is no better for us to try to run our bodies on empty.
This picture is copied from a catalogue that sells clergy shirts. It illustrates the mystery I became involved in today. I received a common page through the Call Center. A patient wanted to see a priest. Our protocol is for a chaplain to visit the patient first, and then when we call the priest we can give him a better description of the reason he is needed. This patient was not defined as Catholic on our census list, so I checked at the nurse’s station before visiting the patient to make sure I had been given the correct room number from the operator. The room and number and patient were confirmed. When I saw him he told why he wanted to see the priest. I exited the room to contact the priest. I was surprised to learn from the priest that he had been there at 5:30 AM at the request of one of our chaplain volunteers. When I told the patient he was sleeping when the priest we there he assured me he had not gotten any rest and there must be a mistake. So I went to the nurse’s station to see what they knew about the 5 AM request for a priest. The staff noticed the priest arrive and also saw that he went to the wrong room. So I called the priest back and explained what had happened. The priest assured me he had gone to the correct room. I then went back to the patient and told him the priest would be into see him in the afternoon. I also told him requests for a priest are rarely as confusing to arrange as this one was.
When I asked him what I could do for him in the meantime, he appeared surprised that I was still willing engage in conversation after we finally had the priest request item solved. He did share with his fears and how he prefers to be independent, and his illness is keeping him from being independent. I assured him that losing independence is something that most people do not like when it happens to them. He let me pray with him and through the tears that flowed I could tell the visit had helped him release some of his pent up emotions.
I marveled about the visit as I looked back on it later in the day. The first portion of the visit had me feeling more like a private detective than a chaplain. The second part of the visit suddenly morphed into an opportunity for me to help the patient process emotions. That opportunity to process emotions could have been lost if I had stopped at the fact finding segment. But once I was able to move beyond fact finding the patient and I were able to form a relationship where enough trust was present to allow honest sharing of emotions to take place. This encounter proves again that one never knows what unexpected turns will take place in task of meeting the patient’s needs.
I meet many people who are being discharged later in the day. The vast majority of them are smiling and happy to be going home. One patient said that today was the day of discharge with a worried facial expression. On inquiry about I learned that the patient gained security from knowing a nurse was only the push of a button away. At home the patient would be relying on a family member who may not respond as promptly when called. As we discussed the dynamics at home it was clear that this fear justified. We talked about that could be done to handle the fear and the patient said it really boils down to trust: trust in the family member and more importantly trust in God to sustain the patient in the transition to going home. I was thrilled to hear the patient come to the same conclusion I had come to. As I was with the patient I did not provide the answer but I stayed in the moment with the patient until self-discovery of answer took place. Then we prayed and following the prayer we even shared a hug. I felt good about that encounter because the patient was better prepared emotionally and spiritually to be discharged. This patient was comforted when the fear was examined through the eyes of spiritual beliefs. This is a lesson all of us can benefit from. Let our spiritual beliefs and practices be the foundation on which we place our trust.
One of the hospice patients I visited today greeted me with these words, “I knew you were coming”. I was surprised because this patient and I have arranged that I don’t need to call ahead to schedule my visit. Most of my visits to other patients are scheduled, so visits to her stand out by that dynamic alone. I was intrigued and asked her how she knew I was coming. She replied, “It is Wednesday, and that is the day you visit. I also want to hear about your birthday”. Now she really had my attention as I had not mentioned my birthday on my last visit. It turns out one of the nurses told her about how we celebrated it the previous week at our Team Meeting.
This patient really enjoys my visits and since it was my week to see her she just knew I would be there.. Sometimes I wonder if I am imagining how much patients benefit from my visits. Then I have one like this visit and I know my visits produce benefit. I learned from this visit that making time and going to see someone who is not able to travel to see others makes a big difference. I have been doing some visiting on my own time to people from my church. They are surprised but glad to see me. So if you want to have positive effect on someone you know why not visit them, share kindness, and listen to what they are telling you. By giving them your time you are giving them a gift that is priceless!
I intended to blog today but was surprised with several birthday activities and am not able to. It is nice to have friends and relatives help you celebrate!
