Our Sunday School Class today focused on the role of reconciliation in our lives.  Reconciliation benefits both people or both sides of “the divide”.  In my dealings with families I deal with some where one or more members are not reconciled with the rest of the family.  As I listen to the stories about the divisions I have empathy for those involved because I know their lives could be more joyful if the issue that caused the separation could be resolved.  In Sunday School we learned that it almost always takes each person being willing to forgive the other person for reconciliation to blossom.

Sometimes illness can be a catalyst that moves family members to forgiveness because they don’t want the animosity unresolved.  Sometimes this is evidenced when a dying parents tells two adult children to please get past their differences so I can die knowing you will be there for each other.  When this situation arises and one of the children engages me in a conversation about the request of the dying parent, it is an emotional experience for the child and also for me as the chaplain.  Instead of ignoring my emotions I use them to guide how I respond to the person as they share their story.  In many cases the person is seeking some justification that they have a right to be upset with their sibling.  If they ask me if I agree I generally can relate with why they felt hurt and can affirm the event or events that caused the separation are legitimate reasons to be upset.  Then I go a step further and ask them if perhaps they have held onto the pain long enough and maybe now is the time when they could let go of it.  When you look at past hurts, they share one thing in common: they are in the past.  Nothing we do now can change the event for erase the pain that has been felt.  But if we ask ourselves the question, “Do I want to be burdened by this pain into the future?” we learn surprisingly the answer is “No”.  Once we reach that point then describing what actions would be required to grant forgiveness can happen.  In my experience no one will really move toward forgiving someone until they reach the point of wanting to be unburdened.

I’ll ask the same question our Sunday School booklet asked: “Is there someone you need to forgive today?”  Is so, what is stopping you from taking the first step?  It is a good question to think about as you start the path of living reconciliation in your life.