My patient assignments include the most acute patients in our health system.  In the words of the patient, “I know I am doing to die, why doesn’t God just take me and get it over with now?”  When this question is asked of family members by the patient it produces an emotional response depending on the way the family members view the situation.

 

One time when I asked visitors and a patient how I could help them one of the visitors said, “Help me tell _________ to stop asking to die?”  With the tone of voice and the body language I could tell this was not the first time the topic had been discussed.  I responded by asking the visitor what had been said to the patient by the family when the request to die was voiced.

 

Below is a compilation of answers I have received from different encounters when this serious topic is being addressed:

• “Only God controls the time of our death, it is not right to question God”
• “Don’t talk like that _______ it makes me hurt.”
• “You need to have patience.”
• “Don’t give up maybe you will be the miracle patient and receive healing.”

 

Listening to the family member tell me what has been said before and watching the reaction of the patient and/or others in the room gives me clues about whether there is unity of opinion or a diversity of opinion on why the patient is still living.  Eventually though I have to open my mouth and respond.  Here are some principles I follow when I respond:

• I don’t put myself in the position of answering for God. (Who am I to say why God does what He does?)
• I don’t brush aside the question or make anyone feel badly the question has been asked. (I often find a way to point out that difficult moments in life are the ones that force us to lean on our faith and discover what we believe.)
• I find a way to inquire about what gives the patient a sense of worth. Often I find they don’t feel in the midst of their illness they are contributing to the well-being of their family like they had been able to in the past.  (I try to find ways to remind the patient that just being present can be a way they can be a comfort to their family even though they doing physical caring for the family in ways that are familiar.)

 

I hope this entry helps you the next time you have to think about why someone you love is “lingering” and how you can help them to have comfort and feel loved as their life continues even if it only continues for a few hours.